Dear Annie: My 96 year old mother has two children, me and my older sibling “Jennifer”. Our mother’s trust originally had Jennifer as her trustee, but she moved approximately 3,000 miles away to the West Coast. A year and a half before Jennifer moved out, she tried to steal small and expensive jewelry from her mother. She was captured standing next to Our Mother’s jewelry box while shoving these items inside her bra.
During the last six months before Jennifer moved, she completely stopped helping or seeing her mother, except to talk on the phone, even though she was only 20 minutes away. Jennifer no longer offers to help her with grocery shopping or take her mother to her errands or doctor’s appointments. Jennifer took advantage of a vacant house that belonged to her mother and stored dozens of her personal items without her mother’s permission. She also threw away some personal belongings that her mother had in the same house without her mother’s permission.
Of course, Jennifer’s actions made my mother very angry, but since Jennifer had moved far away, it made no sense to have her remain as trustee. It would be nearly impossible for her to fulfill her duties as a trustee, including her power of attorney responsibilities.
I then asked my mom to tell Jennifer about the trust change. I was also willing to tell her in case her mother wanted me to. She told me she didn’t want to tell Jennifer. She said she would tell Jennifer when she was “okay” because her sister had done things to her mother without telling her or asking.
It has been four years now and my sister has not been informed that she is no longer a trustee. The trust splits everything 50/50 and I now have all the correct documentation to prove I am the trustee. My understanding is that a person can change the trust and not disclose it to anyone if they choose.
I have never spoken to Jennifer or seen her since she moved away, other than the occasional holiday card. My mother does receive phone calls from her sister every few weeks, but when I told her sister about the change in her trustee, my sister became upset and canceled all communications and annual communications. I get the impression that my mother is worried that he might stop. 2 hour visit.
Should I inform Jennifer myself, or should I respect my mother’s wishes and inform Jennifer of my mother’s death? I never thought that my mother would say something like this to Jennifer. – Should she tell or not?
Whether you want to tell: It’s better not to tell your sister. It will only cause unnecessary conflict between the two of you and between your sister and mother. Your mom was fair and divided things 50-50, so there’s no need to start a fight.
Please send any questions about Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
