My stalker murdered my husband. Here’s how you can protect yourself

January 2023 is the 19th National Stalking Awareness Month. As a victim of very serious and violent stalking, I would like to share my own experience of what stalking is and how it leads to extreme violence that has lifelong devastating effects on the victim. I wanted to make people aware of how they can connect to and protect themselves.

This is an important topic to cover, as 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will be stalked in their lifetime.

If you ever wonder if you’re being stalked, ask yourself if what’s happening is scary/painful and not the first incident, and it’s aimed at the same person (you).

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Stalking is generally defined as a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that causes a reasonable person to feel fear for that person’s safety or the safety of others. or suffer considerable emotional distress.

13 years ago my husband Ben was murdered in front of me by a man who was stalking me. Her husband and I ran her mobile karaoke business in Nashville, Tennessee. He has been sending inappropriate messages on social media until I deleted/blocked him. There were no threats but the messages he sent described most women as creepy and flirtatious It was something to do.

So how does something so eerie and frivolous escalate to something as serious as murder? Obsession, jealousy, mental illness. That’s the way.

I barely knew my stalker. I only knew him by his first name. I didn’t realize I was being stalked until the very night he murdered my husband. It wasn’t until the murder trial that I learned that he was delusional and an erotomaniac.

My stalker continued to stalk me, even from prison. . I then worked with legislators in Tennessee to enact a new order that provides lifelong protection for victims of the most serious violent crimes.

why? Because throughout my state and our country, violent criminals like my stalker are being released from prison.

Regardless, whether the victim knows the stalker or not, not knowing what their next move will be and whether they will turn violent is frightening. Fear of leaving home or going to work, school, or other errands because Tracking devices such as Apple AirTags made headlines because stalkers used them to easily track and find their obsessions.

Stalking resource experts advise victims to make drastic changes in their lives for their own safety. Her 78% of stalking victims take some protective measures. Depending on the victim, actions such as reporting to the police, changing the name, changing jobs, moving, and obtaining a protection order are conceivable.

But these so-called “experts” consistently ignore or downplay certain advice. Basic human right of self-defense. It is my opinion that getting professional firearms training, having situational awareness training, and carrying a gun for self-defense is the best safety measure a person can do, especially for women. It has been suggested that carrying a is three to four times more beneficial for women than for men.

My stalker continued to stalk me, even from prison. . I then worked with legislators in Tennessee to enact a new order that provides lifelong protection for victims of the most serious violent crimes.

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Women are generally not as strong as men. Most men can easily overwhelm women physically with their bare hands. The point of carrying a gun for self-defense is to be well trained to be aware of the situation and keep attackers far enough away from you so they don’t get their hands on you.

Guns are great equalizers, putting women on an equal footing against male attackers. Your job is to keep that threat away from you and protect yourself if necessary.

That said, it is imperative that you understand your state’s laws regarding the legitimate use of force and when it is actually legal to use a gun for self-defense. is not guaranteed. But it gives you a chance to fight when you need it. Because when the seconds count, the police are probably minutes away.

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Even the police know they are not everywhere all the time.

No one is going to protect you as long as they can. After all, you are your own first responder.