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On any given day, there’s plenty of airtime devoted to what is clearly a pressing problem of our time: how to make men kinder, softer, more attuned…well, something.
It’s almost comical – a parade of bubble-dwellers, angry women, and preening men serving in the culture war military-industrial complex, lecturing the rest of us about what masculinity should be.
But here’s the problem. That conversation is about the struggles of real life, and more specifically, the luxuries that only those caring for a loved one with a disability can afford.
The truth is, if you love someone, there’s a good chance you’ll become their caregiver at some point. (AP Photo/Ben Margot)
If you’re in a tight spot, managing your medications, making ends meet, advocating for your loved ones, or just trying to get through the day without collapsing. , the idea of debating what kind of “masculinity” is optimal would seem laughable.
Why is society failing men and boys?
As a caregiver, I cook, clean, do laundry, keep the house, mend fences, care for animals, buy groceries, manage schedules, handle appointments, write books, compose music. However, they still support themselves financially. Where does all this fit on the wheel of masculinity and femininity?
Caregiving has nothing to do with your gender or whether you fit into some ridiculous cultural narrative. You just need everything you have. And I mean everything.
The idea that we have time to sit and debate whether someone is “too manly” is as ridiculous as it is irrelevant. Does anyone make the same argument against women and accuse them of being “perniciously feminine”? Of course not.
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Women who have developed a tougher edge through caregiving are not “less feminine.” No one wonders if a mother who deals with a child with special needs or a wife who fiercely defends her husband has somehow lost her femininity.
So why do we have this conversation about men?
Caregiving has no place in such pointless debates because, frankly, there is no such thing as being masculine or feminine enough to handle it all. Either you’re doing it or you’re not.
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In fact, in nursing care, men are expected to learn from women, and women are expected to learn from men. We borrow from each other’s strengths without compromising who we are. Caregivers will adopt what works, whether it is traditionally considered “masculine” or “feminine.” Survival depends on using all the tools in the box.
But it’s still not enough. When we run out of strength, we turn to God, the only inexhaustible source of strength. God made us male and female, and He did it on purpose. It is not because we go to war to reconstruct each other into new cultural ideals, but because we reflect God’s plan.
He looked at what he made and said it was good. In fact, before sin and the Fall, the only thing God said was bad was for humans to be lonely.
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So instead of spending all your energy trying to convert someone into your ideals, why not focus on helping someone feel less alone? Life is hard enough without wasting precious time and resources on pointless wars.
Think of how much blood and treasure has been wasted in endless wars, leaving us vulnerable when real hardship comes, such as caring for loved ones in times of crisis. Our fellow citizens struggling in North Carolina and Florida may have strong opinions about the U.S. government’s management of resources in these matters.
How many of those resources would have been better left at home rather than sent to wars overseas, seemingly endlessly removed from daily life?
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The time spent on these ridiculous battles in culture is no different.
The truth is, if you love someone, there’s a good chance you’ll become their caregiver at some point. And if you live long enough, you’ll need it. In that moment, you won’t care how masculine or feminine they are, you’ll just be grateful that they showed up.
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