Or, instead, you might need words that neutralize triggers. If you suspect your dad will repeat a comment that hurt you in the past (such as, “You’re too sensitive”), tell yourself, “I can’t change my dad or what he says, and that’s okay.” Or, if you’re struggling to be with your family for five days in a row, write out a sentence like, “This is also a vacation for me, and it’s okay to be alone for a little while,” suggests Lucas.
These supportive mini-mantras can help you interrupt your typical patterns (like getting angry and walking out or telling your dad to go to hell). They can redirect your mind so you can see what’s going on from a calmer, more rational perspective, Lucas explains. the study As the show suggests, it can also help reduce stress and prevent you from getting defensive or overthinking: “So if something comes up and you feel like you’re going to slip back into an unwanted emotional state, just pull out your phone and see the reminder right in front of you,” she says.
(Quick tip: write these notes when you’re relaxed and calm. It can be hard to think logically when you’re emotional. Plus, you’ll be more likely to believe your prepared statements because you know you’ve already analyzed the situation when you were calmer, as opposed to scribbling something like, “My dad is a jerk!!” when you’re angry.)
Be Interested why Your relatives are behaving like that.
If you’re out to dinner with your buddies and your grandma expresses an outdated political opinion, no matter how sweet she is, instead of yelling that she’s wrong or outdated, ask questions to better understand her point of view. You could ask, “What do you mean?”, “Why do you think that?”, or “Can you help me understand your point of view better?” You might think she’s narrow-minded, but it could be that her views were shaped by personal experiences you don’t know about. If you don’t ask, you won’t know where she stands, says Lurie.
“We all want to be understood,” she explains. Showing that you’re trying to understand rather than criticize your grandmother will make you more compassionate and less likely to resent her (and vice versa). So if someone says something you don’t agree with, try to approach them with curiosity rather than immediately reprimanding or correcting them.
the study Listening to others and making them feel heard has been shown to promote trust and forgiveness, and avoid conflict (isn’t that the whole point of a family trip?). Plus, you might learn something about your relatives that leaves you with more understanding and empathy for them and their actions. “People can surprise you,” says Lurie.
Establish some self-soothing strategies.
lastly absolutely And don’t forget, find some relaxation techniques you can use whenever you start to get stressed. If there’s ever a time to take a deep breath, it’s when you’re staying over at your brother’s crowded house or traveling with your parents to the mountains in Colorado (and not just because there’s not enough oxygen). Sometimes stress is unavoidable. Your 3-year-old niece might cry for the entire two hours, or your sister-in-law might say something passive-aggressive about your parenting style. You need a surefire way to calm yourself down when the atmosphere gets tense.
