Alison Holker, whose husband Stephen “Tucci” Boss took his own life two years ago, made a heartbreaking discovery after his death.
Holker opens up in People magazine share Alison said she discovered a “trove” of drugs while going through her closet with a friend to choose clothes for her funeral.
The stash, hidden in a shoebox, contained mushrooms, pills and “other substances that I had to look up on my cell phone.”
“That was a really exciting moment for me because there were so many things I discovered in my closet that I didn’t know existed,” she said. I have no clue [about]. It was a really scary moment in my life to realize that, but also realize that he was going through so much and was hiding so much, and it must have been so embarrassing. It also helped me understand that. ”
Holker believes they have “very honest” communication in their marriage, and he sometimes smokes cigarettes and drinks to unwind at the guesthouse after the children are in bed. I knew.
Alison Holker pays tribute to Stephen Twitch Boss two years after his death
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“It was alone time for him. It was time to recharge. That was fine,” she said.
Holker read the diary to learn more about Twitch’s internal struggles.
“He was struggling with a lot of things within himself and was trying to medicate and deal with all those emotions on his own, because he loves everyone so much that he didn’t want to impose that on anyone. Because he didn’t,” she said, adding that she implied he had said that to himself. Childhood sexual abuse by men. “He didn’t want anyone else to take on his pain.”
After reading his diary and the books he was reading at the time, Alison said, “I gained a better perspective on where he was in his life and what he was struggling with. “It was,” he said.
“I felt a lot of empathy for him and felt sadness for all the pain he was going through,” Holker said.
She noticed that by the time he died, he was becoming more and more withdrawn and showering less often, but he had told her he was going through periods of low energy.
Allison thought it was because her time as a judge on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” and “So You Think You Can Dance” were both coming to an end.
Allison Holker speaks out about Stephen ‘Twitch’ Boss’ tragic death
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In retrospect, Holker now believes that she struggled with the balance between her public persona and her introverted self, and that the two sides were “battling.”
Alison also revealed that the last person she saw Boss before he committed suicide was his daughter Wesley. As he dropped her off at school, he said to the boy, “I wish I could be your Superman.”
“I didn’t think anything was wrong at the time, but it’s really hard to have someone say the last word to you, especially as a teenager,” Holker said.
She continued, “She’s handling it with more grace than she should. We’re taking steps to really help her and communicate with her and make her feel seen and heard.” I think she also sees that as a beautiful thing. It’s something she’ll always battle with herself, but I think she sees it from both sides. I know that.”
Now, Alison hopes to help others with her memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, which will be released on February 4th.
“I learned there are so many other resources out there that a lot of people don’t know about,” she said. I learned that mental health can affect anyone at any point in their life. ”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 or text STRENGTH to the Crisis Text Line 741741.
