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When I taught indoor cycling weekly, an unexpected benefit of that gig was free ice cream. One of the regulars in my class had an ice cream machine at home and would occasionally bring me samples of flavors like pumpkin and pistachio to try. He did this not only because he was a nice guy, but also because he was one of the best people in my class who, despite my usual harsh tendencies, welcomed me warmly and encouraged me even when I was so boring. I think it’s also because he was a nice person.
I also noticed this friendliness in others. The two met in my class and started dating. The strangers who became friends there went out for coffee after training. Two regulars from another class invited me to go skiing with them. At 35 years old, many of the good friends I have are people I met through exercise classes I attended regularly. These experiences convinced me that group fitness classes are a great place to make friends as an adult. This idea is supported by research that suggests the glow of feel-good chemicals found during exercise can be beneficial for interpersonal relationships.
What sociologist Ray Oldenburg once called a “third place”: a physical space that is not home or work, has no (very) entrance fee, and exists primarily to facilitate conversation. And countless friendships were born. But over the past few decades, especially in the wake of the pandemic, third places like bars and cafes have played a much smaller role in social life, depriving American adults of opportunities for chance encounters that lead to friendships. There is. Perhaps that’s part of why Americans list improving their relationships at the top of their New Year’s resolutions.
Group fitness classes don’t exactly fit the definition of a third place. It costs money, and the main activity in it is sweating, grunting, and skipping a few times when the instructor isn’t looking. But they meet many of the conditions that social psychology research has repeatedly shown to help build meaningful connections between strangers: proximity (being in the same place), ritual ( At the same time, many times), accumulation (for hours), and sharing experiences and interests (because we do the same thing and like the same thing).
When meeting new people at work or at a party, bringing up common interests can be extremely awkward. Stephanie Ross Goldberg, an athlete psychotherapist in New York, said taking a group fitness class can help make things a little easier. “When you walk into a fitness class, you probably automatically share the idea, “We like to exercise,” or “We like to do this particular type of exercise.” she said. “It gives you a different sense of tension than standing in a bar or someone’s house.” Of course, someone needs to say something to break the ice, but if you’re sweating and gasping for breath, it’s a no-brainer. That’s a scary thing to say. One simple strategy has never failed me, whether I’m an instructor or a classmate. When class is over, just walk up to someone and say, “Hello, thank you for your hard work!”
Intimacy, ritual, and accumulation all require a certain amount of time, which can be difficult to achieve in a country where long hours are expected and rewarded. But you’ve already put in the time for exercise classes and the conditions are in place. To benefit from them, you need to realize that you are already ready for friendships. Daniel Friedman, journalist, author Let’s train our bodiestaught me that breaking what she calls “social norms of anonymity” is the key to making friends. “Even if you’ve been in the same class for a while and start seeing the same people, don’t pretend you never interacted before,” she said.
Achieving this level of intimacy requires incorporating the familiar, welcoming atmosphere that characterizes many group fitness classes. I always cringed when I caught myself saying motivational platitudes in spin class. Mainly, “We’re all in this together!” Because I was trying to talk and rotate at the same time, so I needed a reminder as well. But someone is bound to say, “Woo!” It energizes the entire room in response. I filled my playlist with high-tempo remixes of early 80s Top 40 hits that I would catch people singing along to. One of my favorite instructors in the class I took regularly had “Fun Fridays.” On this day, we warmed up by doing silly little relay races and playing games like elementary school kids. The first time she told us to participate in this cheese fest, my blood ran cold, but I had so much fun. Everyone did.
In a world that prizes cynical indifference, embracing such earnest stupidity can feel extremely uncomfortable. But if you’re going to start attending classes, you might want to get used to hearing these kinds of phrases now, but you just have to push through. “When you’re sweating and feeling a little out of control of your body and screaming and screaming, there’s a vulnerability there,” Friedman says. “If you agree, you’ve shared something. Even as adults, there aren’t many opportunities to be vulnerable together.”
A room full of adults thrashing around, screaming, and running for miles without going anywhere is a fundamentally ridiculous sight. But ridiculousness plays an important role in connecting with others. They make us laugh. Research shows that laughing with others makes us feel like we have more in common and promotes social connections. The “happy hormones” released during exercise (endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin) are also associated with bonding. In particular, exercising in sync with others promotes close relationships.
Even if you don’t find your next best friend on Zumba, some fitness habits may help you meet people and make friends in other spaces. “The more people can step out of their comfort zone in one environment, the less intimidating they will feel to do it in other environments,” Goldberg says. Maybe you can be the one to have people bring you homemade ice cream. It’s a win-win.
