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Happy Tuesday everyone. Calm down, guys. Now let’s talk about the arrest of Sam Bankman Fried aka Mashed Potato****.
It’s already started. He couldn’t hide forever. I mean, especially if you look like Mark Cuban, Cross Your Heart’s bra, cross between strands of pubic hair. He was scooped in the Bahamas on Monday and accused of defrauding investors of billions of dollars. Charges include wire fraud, securities fraud and money laundering. Fortune called him the next Warren Buffett. But in their defense, it’s a household name. That joke should have made me laugh more. Thank you very much. That’s a really good joke. Ruin everyone.
Let’s summarize what this clown did. Since its inception in May 2019, his cryptocurrency company, FTX, has raised $1.8 billion by touting it as a secure platform for trading assets. However, it turned out to be as safe as finding a suitable date on the subway platform. Then, without telling anyone, he diverted those funds to another company, and from there, of course, many private investments, luxury real estate purchases, and huge sums for the Democratic Party in time for the midterm elections. made political donations. To make matters worse, he never considered breast reduction surgery. He may have used fat to make soap. And he could have used soap.
But instead, he’ll be the most popular guy in Cellblock. increase. I wish I had known him in high school. I would have made it to second base.
Still, he kept telling investors, including celebrities who were hypnotized by his cleavage, that it really was the safest investment. FTX filed for bankruptcy, leaving millions without access to funds. And the pyramid scheme exposed like Sam’s D-cup in a wet t-shirt contest. A real pyramid, on the other hand, is like, “Hey, humans, get us out of here, and be slaves.” Don’t knock on the pyramid. If I can afford it, I want to do the same with my own grave. You say you can’t take me, but how do you know that?
Greg Gutfeld: This is ‘mass media carjacking’
But I sympathize with Bankman because they have a lot in common. For one, we both pretend to donate money and are polyamory. But I sleep with people. But all this is a lesson in why it’s better to trust your instincts when someone looks more full of crap than Ana Navarro’s bidet after Cinco de Mayo. rice field. Thank you very much. You applaud the meanest thing.
And you know someone is full of it when they make a signal a virtue. of course. He ate vegetables and got fat. Impossible. But it’s the armor they wear to protect themselves from exposing their true motives. Reference: Black Lives Matter. I knew what was happening.
[VIDEO]
NAS Daily: Sam isn’t a conventional billionaire because he believes in the concept of “earn to give”.
Sam Bankman Fried: Income to give away is thinking about which charity saves the most lives for every dollar spent.
NAS Daily: Next year, we plan to donate $500 million annually. And in his next decade, he’ll probably donate more than his $10 billion. And he funds everything you can think of. Global warming.
Sam Bankman Fried: This is one of the biggest problems we as a world have to grapple with together.
NAS Daily: Preparing for COVID-19.
Sam Bankman Fried: We need to prepare for the next pandemic.
NAS Daily: Animal welfare, of course.
Sam Bankman Fried: Animals deserve to live just like us. That’s also why I’m vegan.
It’s like the live-action version of Ernie from Sesame Street. Even a 5th grader would think, “It’s impossible to pay 100 yen to a restaurant lady with saggy breasts.” But until just last week, this knucklehead was still standing.
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[VIDEO]
Sam Bankman Fried: Look, I messed up. Like, I was the CEO. I was responsible here. I was responsible for figuring out what was going on with the exchange. I wish I could have done better with it. My understanding was that there was a document drafted by law to cover what was happening. And frankly, I tend to get involved in a lot of things. One thing, you know, sometimes spreads thin.
spread thin? Every time I see him, I’m reminded of the slow motion opening of ‘Baywatch’. As a matter of fact, I still do. And what about the questionable timing of his arrest? He was due to testify before Congress this week. There, he would have been grilled like a half-pound patty at George Foreman’s house. Now his Democratic beneficiaries are off the hook, like the whalers who threw back Joy Behar. why? No! Please don’t make fun of my writers.
Again, the public gets nothing. He has a history of donating millions of dollars to Democratic campaigns, so has he been spared? Now, do bears play junk in the woods? I can’t say for sure. But hell, I do. After all, I am a commentator, not an anchor. All this can be tied to beef cuttings if desired. Tucker isn’t the only one interested in cattle crime.
But he was a Democrat like them, so maybe he’s been spared. Unlike Elon Musk, whom the Democrats deem evil, he’s trying to help shareholders, not offend them. But this is the Democratic Party’s treatment of anyone fighting child pornography. They think millionaires prefer being fake leftists to real people doing real things. By the time he started this mess three years ago, if anyone was wondering what this scam was. I was too busy trying.
