Publicly available information varies by state (you can check what information your state provides) here(Some places, like New York and Alaska, only show your name, address, and party affiliation, while others, like South Carolina, show your name, address, phone number, date of birth, gender, and race. No matter what state you live in, people can’t directly know who you voted for, but they can make inferences based on your party affiliation, Ellis points out.
And unfortunately, he says, there’s not much you can do about it. If you’re registered to vote, some of your personal information is simply public. With one big exception: Many states have Voter Confidentiality Program For example, someone who has a restraining order against someone else, someone who is in a witness protection program, etc. “If you can present a protective order or an affidavit, or can demonstrate that you need to keep your voter information confidential, the state will treat that information as confidential,” Ellis explains.
What would you say if your partner asked you who you voted for?
If the thought of your partner asking you which candidate you chose makes you nervous, pause for a moment and remember that you don’t want anyone to know who you voted for. As an American citizen, it is your right to keep that information private. If they ask and you don’t want to tell them, Domenic Harrison, LMFT, LPCCLos Angeles-based therapist and relationship expert suggests saying something like, “I don’t feel ready to have that conversation right now, and I’m not sure when I will be.”
Harrison says the other person may feel upset or disappointed by your unwillingness to share, so she suggests avoiding phrases like “always” and “never” whenever possible, such as, “I never tell you” or “You always act like you have the right to intrude into my personal matters.”“ This kind of absolute attitude can make people defensive and close themselves off, making it harder to navigate conflicts, Harrison says.
Maybe, perhaps, Potentially Harrison recommends coming into the conversation with an open, curious mindset, even if you don’t feel like talking. Just because you think it’s going to be a boring conversation doesn’t mean it will be. Approach the topic gently and say something like, “That’s a little scary. Can we put this aside and come back to it tomorrow on our walk?” Harrison suggests. Or you could say, “I need your honesty and transparency. I know we haven’t talked about this yet, but maybe we could settle if we offered different opinions.” This approach invites the other person in even if you’re not ready to open up yet, and sets the tone for a calm, honest, and exploratory conversation when you feel ready.
There’s a reason you’re with that person. Even if you absolutely hate talking politics with that person, sitting down and talking about why you voted the way you did could lead to a very productive discussion about your values and beliefs. And maybe you’ll find that you can get through difficult situations and that you two have a strong bond. Or maybe the tables will turn and you’ll realize it’s time to throw that person out the window (just kidding).
Remember, disagreeing isn’t necessarily a bad thing. First, be grateful that you don’t live in the 18th century and don’t have to deal with this issue in the town square. Second, take a deep breath and remember that who you vote for is your own business, and you can take it to your grave if you want.
Your health always counts, and your vote can have more impact than you think. Check out SELF’s 2024 election coverage here.
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