NEW YORK — At a happy hour in late June in the shadow of One World Trade Center, where single women gathered to celebrate the end of a heatwave that had lasted several days, the conversation over margaritas began to drift toward the deplorable state of modern dating: ghosting, missed bill payments, and just generally bad behavior from men.
Most people who have worked in consulting, biomedical, and education fields agreed that they were looking for a romantic relationship; do not have I’m looking for a man in the finance industry.
Indeed, Dua Khan, 22, who works in the industry, warns against dating anyone who wears the distinctive vest and khaki trousers.
“They’re workaholics,” she said. “Six foot three and blue eyes are great for work. Trust funds are great. Finances are bad.”
She’s referring, of course, to TikTok’s song of the summer, an anthem for women looking for rich men: “Looking for a man in finance / Got a trust fund / 6’5″ / Blue eyes.”
Ultimately, the song doesn’t exactly capture the general mood of 2024.
NBC News reported from one of the nation’s top hunting grounds for the man the song describes: Lower Manhattan’s financial district, home of Goldman Sachs, the setting for the HBO series “Industry,” and, of course, literal Wall Street.
We spoke to a dozen women in the bars surrounding these big banks and the conclusion they told us was that they weren’t necessarily looking for a financial person, but someone who could pay their bills and maybe even more.
The catchy song “Man in finance” is as fitting for today’s relationship discussions on the internet as a tailored jacket.
The song explores tensions around money and dating at a time when gender roles are constantly shifting, dating is expensive, women say they’re tired of making compromises, and app fatigue is getting in the way of personal connection.
Women say ‘finance bros’ are boring
“Man in finance” was first posted as a 19-second TikTok video in April by Megan Boni, a 27-year-old creator from New York. It has since garnered more than 50 million views, been remixed by DJ and producer David Guetta, and landed Boni a record deal.
But TikTok’s obsession with the “finance guy” extends beyond the original video. Other creators are also offering tips on how to find the elusive finance, trust fund, 6’5″ tall, blue-eyed man. One Harvard Business School grad even made a video ranking different finance jobs according to income, free time, and likability.
(Venture capital and private equity workers top the list, but they’re likely to mansplain constantly, she said.)
In several major cities, single women from the margins of society could be seen taking to the streets, holding up cardboard signs with the song’s lyrics and beckoning to men who fit the lyrics.
But despite the phenomenon she’s created, Boni said she isn’t actually looking for men in finance.
“I’m looking for someone with a daddy body who understands my humor, who can help me shine a little, who can balance me out,” she said.
Women in the Financial District agree: They say spending their days surrounded by Wall Street men keeps them together with tailored suits, backpacks, self-esteem and a sense of hustle and bustle.
But their biggest sin is young women, who say men in finance are boring.
“They’re like a glass of warm water. I want something a little more sparkly,” says Stella Mannell, 22. “They all dress the same, so it’s easy to tell them apart. I’d rather have someone fun, energetic and inspiring than someone with a lot of money. I’d rather go on a date to McDonald’s than to the Polo Bar with a really tacky guy.”
Dothan Barr, a 21-year-old intern at an investment bank, said his colleagues are aware of social media’s collective stereotypes and preoccupations with them, and sometimes rely on their aesthetic sense to woo girls.
“They take very good care of themselves,” he says. “It’s a job that says a lot about character and ambition. … I know people in finance who work 100 hours a week.”
He said he’s not a fan and plans to go into technology after college.
“Sprinkle Sprinkle” and some people’s reversion to traditional gender roles
While the lyrics have been criticised multiple times on social media platforms, experts say the “men in finance” message captures a growing sentiment among single women online: life is expensive and exhausting, and they want men who can ease their burden, not add to it.
“Men in finance” are following extreme relationship advice on TikTok, like the “Sprinkle Sprinkle” movement spearheaded by controversial creator Shera7, who advises the women who follow her to raise the bar significantly and only date men who are well-qualified.
“Pay them, take them shopping, impress them, open the door for them,” she said in one video. “If you don’t like it, move on.”
She ends each video with the now-iconic line, “sprinkle sprinkle.”
“I want something like a warm glass of water, but with a little more sparkle.”
Sierra7’s videos have become the bible for many online women who are tired of being with men who don’t keep in touch, don’t appreciate them enough or don’t pay them enough.
Other young women who appear to have overcome the problem are posting content on TikTok romanticizing life as “stay-at-home moms” to wealthy men, drawing huge audiences to watch as they sip matcha lattes, take pilates classes and do a little vacuuming, experts say.
“The idea of a calmer life — doing the things you love and hobbies at a slower pace — is key,” says Stevie Bowen, dating coach and City of Dating columnist.
While some say these types of accounts are anti-feminist, others say they’re a light-hearted attempt to empower women who have long needed and deserved to raise the bar.
“We live in a time of great stress and economic uncertainty,” said Mary Chayko, director of the Gender and Media Studies Program at Rutgers University. “People are looking for answers, and for some people, this may be appealing. They may think, ‘This will solve some of my problems.'”
Read more about dating trends here:
Current student Annabel Boland, 21, hopes to become a teacher and is keenly aware of the financial difficulties that may lie ahead, so she thinks having a wealthy man could be a risk factor.
“I’m looking for a man who will take care of me and buy me nice things,” she says. “I can keep my job as a teacher, but I won’t have to worry about money. I can enjoy my job and not have to worry about a $40,000 a year salary.”
She said women are already at a disadvantage economically compared to men and feel that modern society has multiplied its expectations of women: women are raised and taught to pursue careers, while men are not similarly trained to be housewives.
“People want answers and this may be appealing to some people. They may think, ‘This will solve some of my problems.'”
“Women often have these dual responsibilities more than men, which puts a lot of pressure on them,” Chaiko says. “The so-called traditional era may seem a little simpler.”
But Chaiko said it’s important to remember that in the old days, when men were the providers, it wasn’t necessarily to the wife’s advantage.
“I worry that women might think about this instead of going into work or finding fulfillment in more productive ways,” she said. “Work gives women – and everyone – a source of income, a sense of independence and security for the future, especially when a marriage ends.”
Boni, who has been gaining attention since her “Man in finance” video, told NBC News Now that she quit her job in sales, and thanks to her viewers, she’s now able to support herself doing the work she loves.
“They’ve given me the peace of mind I need to be my own ‘financial manager,'” she said.
