A reader wrote:
Hello Lindsay,
My friends and I are about to go on our annual girls’ trip, but this year we decided to have a long relaxing weekend. Her host, I call her Patrice, planned a lavish vacation. This includes huge rental housing, private yoga classes and fancy dinners. Patrice shared an estimated cost per person on e-vite, and I can’t shake it off this year. But it’s been so long since we were all able to escape. I would love to go, but I know this cost shouldn’t be put on my credit card. How can I politely decline an invitation without sounding cheap?
signed,
Go bankrupt or go home?
First let me say what a beautiful invitation. A curated staycation with good friends sounds great.The older you get, the harder it is to find time to nurture your relationships with friends, but it’s so important. the study Maintaining friendships has been shown to lower anxiety levels, reduce stress, and strengthen the immune system. Not only does a weekend like this sound like a lot of fun, it’s probably good for your health. That said, financial stress can also affect physical and mental health, which is a difficult situation. But it’s not all bad news! Here are some potential solutions to consider when dealing with this (very common) problem.
See if you can find a compromise.
For many people managing the expenses of traveling with friends, their biggest fear is money. If someone gets a bigger room in a rental house, should they pay more? If someone with a food allergy brings their own food, should the grocery bill be split evenly? do you have?
Discussing personal finances can be awkward, but Patrice, the organizer of the trip, made it clear that she felt comfortable talking about money because she detailed the expected expenses in the invitation. When you review your itinerary, are there any activities that you can safely do (that is, are there any expenses that you don’t need to cover with your credit card)? If so, you can let Patrice know that you won’t be able to attend the entire weekend to see if attending dinner or yoga will work.
We also shared that not everyone in your friend group is a high roller. Can I check in? Some of you have been able to discuss some potential financial compromises. Try saying something likeIf you accept that, I have found some more affordable rental homes in the area!” Another option is to see if doing your best cuts the extra cost. is best chef You can cook a meal together instead of a fancy dinner, or stream a yoga class instead of hiring a private teacher.
If you can’t go this time, please tell me the reason honestly.
If this year’s trip is out of your price range, make it clear that you want to participate next time. Please! A common problem among friend groups of various incomes is that those who cannot afford luxury travel, restaurants, and shopping quietly ghost or make excuses instead of just saying, “I love you.” But that’s out of my price range. “If you don’t get a response to a few invitations, the host may decide you’re not interested and those texts or phone calls will stop coming.” Instead, make it clear that you want to celebrate with them and other friends, but you can’t pay the price.