An anthropologist once asked Kun Bushman, who lived in a hunter-gatherer group in the grasslands of Botswana, if he would marry a woman smarter than him.
He replied, “Yes, because she makes me smart too.”
Today, 80% of singles say it’s “must have” or “very important” to have someone with the same level of intelligence. And he’s 89% more likely to commit to someone who is “much” more educated and/or more intelligent than he is.
Why do you need a smart partner?
Because intelligence comes with many perks. It correlates with higher income, a sharper sense of humor, creativity, social savvy, motor coordination, and problem-solving skills.
“Smart” locks the relationship. And a large amount of data on a representative sample of Americans collected by Match.com shows that we are naturally attracted to people with similar levels of intelligence.
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Other factors influence mate choice. Timing matters. If you’re not prepared, you won’t notice the smartest person in the room, even if that person is sitting on your lap.
We tend to fall in love with people who have the same socioeconomic background, good looks, religious and social values, and reproductive goals.
Oddly enough, basic body chemistry also plays a role.
People often say, “We have chemistry.” To find out what they mean, I collected data on every brain system associated with every personality trait.
In fact, we humans have evolved four broad thinking and behavioral styles associated with four major chemical systems in our brains: the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen systems.
For example, if you have a highly expressive dopamine system, I call this an explorer, You are prone to risk-taking and novelty-seeking, and you are spontaneous, energetic, curious, and creative.
And when we surveyed the dating choices of over 50,000 members of Chemistry.com (a subsidiary of Match.com), we found that Explorers gravitate toward other Explorers. Whether it’s a backpacker exploring the world or a city dweller interested in symphonies and poetry, explorers are drawn to individuals who engage in physical or intellectual adventures.
Builders are men and women who highly express traits related to the serotonin system and seek partners like themselves. These men and women are discreet and traditional. They respect authority, follow rules, enjoy schedules, and tend to be orderly and honest. And they are looking for partners who are equally passionate about building families, homes and communities.
When opposites are attracted to romance
But two other biological types, directors and negotiators, want the opposite. Directors who express testosterone in particular tend to be analytical, straightforward, decisive, tough, and good at mathematics, engineering, mechanics, computers, and/or music.
However, they are especially attracted to high-estrogen types, negotiators, those who see the big picture, are imaginative, intuitive, compassionate, and skilled verbally and socially.
Most people ignore rigid labels for thinking
Each of us is a complex combination of all these brain systems and their associated thinking and behavioral styles. But we have distinct personalities — partly based on our biology.
Nevertheless, you can walk into a room full of people of your type – and you won’t fall in love with them all.
This is where intelligence comes into play.
From that set of potential partners, continue to look for people with similar intelligence.
There are many types of intelligence. And when you meet someone for the first time, you tend to overestimate a few things you know about that person and evaluate them based on this information. give me a chance
The more you get to know someone, the more you like them and think they are like you. It may even trigger brain circuits for intense romantic passion.
Dr. Helen Fishera biological anthropologist and senior fellow at the Kinsey Institute, is the chief scientific adviser to the dating site Match. The Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Get Lost, among other titles.
This article was originally published at: Helen Fisher website. Reprinted with permission of the author.
