Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. I have a question? Send here to Athena and Elizabeth. (You are anonymous!)
paydirt
I just bought my first condo after years of renting with dodgy roommates. All of my furniture is recycled or donated, so it’s pretty jumbled. I don’t care. my girlfriend hates it She’s obsessed with her YouTube videos about redecorating her home and constantly shoves it in my face as to how our room could be redecorated.
The problem is that some of the parts she tried to DIY ended up being completely ugly or unusable. And just getting the craft to do it is expensive. She doesn’t have a job right now. I told her that she can’t afford to buy everything new right now and that she works well with what we have. We ended up arguing and she accused me of trying to control her by holding my money over her head. However, I think the money should be spent on more important things now. can you help?
—Don’t DIY
Don’t DIY.
Making sure your bills are paid, saving for emergencies, and taking care of other financial priorities are exactly the things you should focus on, especially after you buy your own condo. Not only does it cover all your usual utility bills and other living expenses, you’ll likely also have to cover maintenance, HOA fees, property taxes, and more. No, I never even considered a DIY project.
Is there any reason why your girlfriend doesn’t work? If you’re struggling to find a job in a tough market, you may be obsessed with filling your time with HGTV and thinking you can control things like decorations. Your frustration is justified, regardless of where her feelings came from.
If nothing prevents her employment, she should consider finding a job and you should encourage her. Liven up the conversation in a relaxed atmosphere. You can suggest side hustle such as personal shopping or dog care. If she has her own money to spend and can contribute to her household budget, she will feel that you are not a hindrance to her DIY project of her dreams. If she can’t work, that’s a bigger problem and she should consider finding resources to help her gain financial security for herself.
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paydirt
I’m in trouble because it costs too much money. I don’t buy anything extravagant. I am retired and have found a new hobby that I love: being a silversmith. I really enjoy making jewelry with sterling silver and semi-precious stones. Obviously there are a lot of tools, machines and consumables that come with this. This also includes jewelry making classes and workshops at local craft guilds. i really love doing this. I am constantly learning new things and making new acquaintances and friends in my class. My husband really enjoys the peace and quiet and is homey most of the time. I love socializing, traveling and most of all new hobbies. I’ve been doing it for 2-3 years now. I haven’t sold a single one yet. I feel that I need more practice first.
Monthly credit card bills range from $4,000 to $6,000. I mostly shop for hobby supplies and tools, but I also shop online. I never buy jewelry, clothes, or shoes, but I still can’t control my spending. I buy used items such as toys and clothes for my grandchildren and save a lot of money that way. Her husband is very upset about my credit card charges. Sometimes he says something, sometimes he doesn’t. He can afford these bills, but I don’t want him to. I feel guilty every month and vow to do better, but it never really happens. I don’t have cash, only a credit card. As such, it cannot be cut or frozen in a block of ice. what can i do?
—passive spending habits
dear spendthrift
I say this with love, but have you ever wondered if you might have the following problem? shopping addictionCertain hobbies cost more money than others but this seems pretty extreme.? Let’s look at the following scenarios together.
Let’s assume you pay $1,000 a month for grandchildren and household items. Let’s say you spend an average of $4,000 a month on hobbies, based on the numbers you wrote in your letter. Over three years, you’ve spent $144,000 on equipment, classes, and trips to meet new friends. You say you don’t want her husband to pay the credit card bill and you feel guilty, but you give him monthly statements because you can afford it. increase.
Some Signs of a Shopping Addiction This includes not being able to control your spending, or feeling guilty about spending and continuing with your habits. Another sign could be spending money to avoid life problems, such as feeling the need to leave home because her husband needs “peace”. If this sounds like it contains the scent of truth, Spenders Anonymous and anonymous debtor Both offer resources such as free online group meetings that you can join from anywhere.
In the meantime, I suggest you discuss budgeting cash envelopes with your husband. (You should have access to more than just credit cards anyway.) With this kind of budget, you can assign spending-restricted categories to your envelopes. After assigning a category, I said an envelope containing the exact amount of cash I had previously determined. If you run out of cash in that category, you’re out of money until your budget starts all over again each month.
This method is detailed in several chapters of my book. Budgeting for beginners. Another great resource is budget mom, an online publication by Kumiko Love. She publishes her advice each week and gives examples. YouTube (including her own budget!), and an offer free printout Help you get started.
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paydirt
I have two nieces in their early twenties, both daughters of single mothers (but not mothers). Both of my nieces are single, one of them has two children out of wedlock, and her father is barely alive. to his child support requirements. They both ask me for financial assistance of approximately $5,000 each year for car repairs, rent assistance, and other hard-to-pay expenses. In the past, I had both purchased older model used cars and at one point I was sending monthly checks to my single mother to help with spending. My older brother is also working hard these days. (Note that he is not the father of the girls, they are also his nieces.)
I am a single woman, past retirement age, but not yet retired. My house is paid off and I have a fairly small savings account, plus some retirement accounts at work, which I read is necessary for retirees to survive after retirement. less than $1 million ($2 million more recently). Year. Looking at recent financial market events, I am very concerned if my account will outlast me.
I understand how difficult it can be for a young person just starting out in life. When I got my first job after college and had to make ends meet, I thought it would be tough. In today’s world, starting salaries are far below the cost of living. The recent spike in inflation has not helped things. So here’s my question: How much risk should I assume with my own finances to help my two nieces? Who will help me when I run out of money? If you run out of money, you could be in dire straits.
– Troubled Auntie
Dear Confused Aunty
I hate that you were put in this situation. Family financial instability is not a problem for you to solve. I know you feel the need to protect your family, but if you’re going to sacrifice yourself for it, you shouldn’t. You worry about retirement, so every time you help them, keep in mind that it’s money they don’t need to keep you financially secure in retirement.
It will be painful, but I need to lose weight how much do you support financially your nieces. Sit down, calmly but compassionately say: I can no longer afford to help you financially, but I would love to help you brainstorm possible resources. ” We will continue to provide support without sacrificing life after retirement.
One way to help is to refer children to community resource centers where they can get supplies they need, help them find higher-paying jobs, or enroll them in benefits available to them. That’s it. Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP). There are other ways to help your nieces that don’t require financial help. You can offer to babysit your child or offer advice and emotional support when your child is struggling.
The most important gift you can give them isn’t money, it’s helping them grow up.
—Athena
classic prude
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. We suddenly decided we wanted to move out of state, and we did. I spoke with my mother before we left and she heard from her sister (31) that she, my father, and my other sister (28) thought I was being controlled and pushed out of state. That’s right. (Actually, this is what I’ve been thinking about her all along.) Now she’s worried because I told her what I was told.