“We are going on a family trip in the spring and are planning a secret mini-vacation for my parents in the fall. We are creating a memory book with cards, stories, and photos old and new. I would really like to give it to you.I would like to have it all by December 1st so that I can give it as a gift for Christmas.
“We would also love to give Mom and Dad a gift card that they can use to make their trip even more special. We will collect money to purchase gift cards. If you would like to donate, please send a check. Please pay to (name).”
The couple took an Alaska cruise in September and are planning to go on another short trip next week, so it’s unclear which trip the gift card will fund. Anyway, I’d like to hear your take on this.
This appeal is Don’t touch your heart, Miss Manners will gather. Hers too.
When you think about how you can help those less fortunate, “extra spending money on a cruise” may not be at the top of your list. It’s different for an adult child to give this to a parent.
But that’s not always the case here. They want to give their parents Christmas and anniversary presents, and they want you to donate your time and money in the process to provide them with both.
If you want to give a gift to a close friend, you can probably do it yourself without bringing the children into the picture.
Dear Manners: My husband and I were invited to the wedding of a couple in their mid-20s. I’m annoyed by the dress code listed on the detail card. There’s nothing wrong with requesting “semi-formal attire,” but it also says, “neutral/earth-toned attire is recommended.”
This couple is planning to have a fairly large wedding party, and we’re guessing everyone in attendance will be dressed to match the bride’s favorite color scheme. But it seems presumptuous to ask guests to do the same. I feel like you’re saying, “I can’t believe you won’t show up in some flashy, uncomfortable outfit that completely ruins the beauty of my day.”
I noticed that using the word “encouraged” makes it sound like the request is completely arbitrary. But is this really the case? Can you really show up in a dress that’s so classy and so pink? I looked it up online and it seems like this phenomenon is always going on. What do you think about this, Mr. Manners?
Halloween is approaching. If this couple wants to throw a costume party, this is their chance.
However, a wedding is a ritual, not a theatrical production. Wedding guests are not extras who should be reported to the costume department. The only guidance they need is a degree of formality.
Assuming your pink dress meets that standard, Miss Manners imagines it would look lovely against an earth-toned background.
The new Miss Manners column will run Monday through Saturday. washingtonpost.com/advice. You can submit your questions through Manor’s website. missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
