Kesha wrote a new album, gag order, in the middle of a pandemic. And in SELF’s June cover story, the singer explains why the project offers a “complete look at who I am.”
“With this album, for the first time, I really shined a light on a subject that I had been too nervous to do before,” she tells SELF. This is especially true of “Fine Line,” in which she sings, “The doctors and lawyers all cut their tongues out of my mouth.”
The reference to lawyers is clear. Since the age of 27, Kesha has been embroiled in a costly and emotionally draining legal battle with former producer Dr. Luke. However, the doctors mentioned in these lyrics speak of an entirely different experience. Last year, the 36-year-old singer went on to receive a serious diagnosis, and now she’s ready to talk about it. In 2022, Kesha learns she has Common Variable Immunodeficiency Disease (CVID), a primary immunodeficiency disorder that causes her to develop recurrent and potentially serious infections. increased risk.
CVID is very rare. Worldwide he affects 1 in 25,000 to 50,000 people and the disease is most commonly diagnosed in adults in their 20s and 30s. In addition to persistent infections, it can also cause symptoms such as difficulty breathing, digestive problems, joint pain and swelling, and fatigue. Experts don’t fully understand exactly what causes CVID, but a combination of genetic abnormalities and environmental factors are linked to preventing a person’s immune system from producing enough protective antibodies. It is believed that In an estimated 25% of cases, including Kesha’s, CVID is associated with an autoimmune problem, where the immune system mistakenly attacks healthy parts of the body to protect them.
Understandably, Kesha wasn’t comfortable sharing this news publicly. “I never wanted to be the whining, privileged girl,” she says. “Also, I had an image of going outside and playing.”
Eventually, suffering from severe fatigue on a daily basis, she sought medical attention. At first she blamed it on her own busy schedule. “It was really hard to turn down her interviews and photo shoots because she couldn’t meet all the demands and she didn’t want to miss a one-time opportunity,” she says. “It led to severe fatigue, both physically and mentally.”
Earlier this year, she faced another health concern made worse by her condition. “She nearly died in January,” Kesha tells SELF. Last year she made a big personal decision to freeze her eggs. “I was just trying to take reproductive health into my own hands,” she says. “And I support everyone who does, [honoring] your body. “
A few weeks later, Kesha performed in the Bahamas on New Year’s Eve. But when the show ended, she felt something wasn’t right. She was too weak to walk and she was eventually taken to the hospital. Her doctors determined that she experienced rare but serious complications from her sterilization, which contributed to the weakening of her immune system. She spent nine days in hospital. “I feel like I’m finally recovering, but it took months,” she says. “It was terrifying.”
Kesha now prioritizes rest, even while on tour, to maintain her physical and mental health. “Since receiving her diagnosis, I’ve learned that sleep is of the utmost importance,” she says. “I still feel like I’m just catching up with my teens and 20s. But I try to get as much sleep as I can, and I have to stick to that.” I have to.”
CVID is a lifelong disease, but in many ways Kesha is on the road to recovery. She’s in the process of recovering from a long-standing eating disorder (the process is “very beautiful,” she says), undergoes EMDR therapy, and follows a tradition of meditating, stretching and breathing exercises before her shows. “People probably think I’m back there doing shots,” she joked. “and [my routine is] The most zen shit you’ve ever seen. “
Read the rest of our interview with SELF’s Kesha here.
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