Dear Amy: I have a friend who is a single mother who works two low paying jobs.
Some months she can’t pay her bills.
I lent her money many times.
The problem is, it’s like pulling a tooth out to get your money back.
She seems to feel that I am getting a decent retirement check and a social security check so I don’t have to give the money back.
Also, she feels I should pick up the tab whenever we eat out.
I’ve worked in my state for 33 years, and it’s one of the most expensive states in the nation to live in, so managing your money is tricky.
How can I make her understand that she needs money?
– kind
To the Generous One: One way to get people to pay off their loans is to make it clear that they won’t lend you any more money until the previous payment is paid off.
But I think your expectations for this hard working single mother are unreasonable. She barely sticks her head out of the water. By helping her, you are also helping her children.
First, you must be content with your own generosity.
Never lend more money than you can afford to lose in case she cannot or may not repay you.
And yes, you should pick up the check when dining out for two. Doing this is rewarding your friend and giving them a break. If you can’t afford that, you shouldn’t eat out.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @askingamy again Facebook. )
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