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In the 31 years we’ve been married, my wife and I have never talked about sex.
For the first time, we thought our marriage was finally solid. After years of secrets and infidelity and bringing our own trauma into our marriage, we only went to a wedding party once. Not because our relationship was barely hanging on, but to gain some encouraging information to share with other couples. We started our own marriage service.
Then there was Saturday night.
I loved my wife so much, but on our wedding night I knew it was a mistake.
That night’s homework was about sex.
Not necessarily.
talking about it. each other.
I remember going to my room in a very good mood, thinking that I wouldn’t have much to say in this area and that I would have a good time. I was going to go out to a nice dinner and finish the project quickly.
Kathy was very quiet and remained silent until we got to the room and said, “You can cut off the air.” Her plan was to stop going to dinner, order room service, and devote herself fully to the project.
“For me, I remember thinking, Kathy, there are some things I want to talk about when it comes to sex. For example, there were some things I didn’t like about Tim’s behavior, and that I wanted him to do more of what I wanted. When he never asked me what he wanted from me, we were both filled with pride, but those walls of pride. As we broke down, we started to talk better and understand what each other was saying. It was a good start.”
Today, I’m really happy that Kathy stuck to her guns that night and didn’t ignore the topic of sex. It was a really good start, but it was…a start. We had a lot of work to do, but we didn’t always do it right.
For Kathy, sex took a backseat after marriage.What sex means to me of thought.
Jenny McCarthy prayed to God before meeting husband Donnie Wahlberg: ‘Listen, don’t bring me a half-assed man.’
Before my wedding in 1982, my sexual expectations were very clear, at least to me. One of my biggest regrets is not taking premarital counseling seriously and I don’t even remember sex being brought up. He thought that marrying Kathy would give him the right to have sex with her whenever he wanted. That was about 9 times a week.
No one told me otherwise and I assumed she knew. It never occurred to her to tell her about it. After all, we had a lot of sex before marriage, so why would you think that would change? I had been promiscuous growing up, but as her husband I didn’t want to be that way, so I had high hopes that with Kathy taking care of all my sexual needs, I too would change. .
There was one big problem. She didn’t get the memo.
At the beginning of our marriage, Kathy had very different ideas. She will have our baby and take care of the house. I helped out with the little one and we incorporated sex as much as we could. Unfortunately, that’s a note I missed.
For Kathy, sex took a backseat after marriage. For me, sex was just a thought.
Neither of us bothered to tell the other. We continued on this path for many years, but the result was that Kathy became isolated, she was not heard, and she felt, sadly, that she was unloved.
“Kathy, sex has always felt like an obligation to me. After I got married, I didn’t even really want to have sex anymore. There were a lot of problems in my marriage that made sex emotionally pleasurable. There was no.”
The pain she felt still breaks my heart. Our conflicting sexual expectations have driven us away from each other in our search for a sense of being loved and romantic love.
Tim Bush and his wife Kathy have published a new book about how to save a broken marriage with God’s grace.
It took me nearly 30 years to understand that sex is not about me, that sex involves love, and most importantly, that God created sex for marriage. .
We didn’t talk to each other about sex.
We didn’t know what each other liked and didn’t like.
We didn’t know that we should really enjoy each other before, during and after sex.
But we knew we needed to do something. Our sex life wasn’t “just that.”
Tim and Kathy Bush’s new book about rescuing troubled marriages.
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maximum sex
Since serving together in the marriage ministry, we have noticed that it is very common for husbands and wives not to talk about sex. We are now happily united in this area, selflessly enjoying each other in ways we never expected. In fact, most days…
we talk about sex.
We pray about sex.
We thank God for the gift of sex.
We are always asking God to increase our desire for one another.
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We are grateful that God created sex to celebrate marriage and has made it so easy to talk about and enjoy it as a gift from God. God created sex for our marriages, so it is nothing but a blessing to them.
As you may already know, our marriage started with sex on the first date, but I know that’s not what God wants. In fact, we named the book “”.Sex on the first date: A story of broken beginnings to a radically changed marriage” Now, after more than 40 years of marriage, we are enjoying sex to the fullest, just as the Lord planned.
Click here to read more from Tim Bush
