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So last night, in a prime-time speech from the Oval Office, Joe Biden said it was time to step down. It was his longest speech in a while. In the nearly 10-minute speech, Biden tried to list his accomplishments. So he had 10 minutes left.
During the speech, Biden said he would be passing the baton to the next generation, but is that really necessary? Not that young Democrats haven’t already done a phenomenal job of burning everything down. Of course, Joe has a long history with fire. Whenever he’s in a room, people always light a match. And yet, he’s passing the baton. He probably doesn’t want to be cremated, or maybe not. Skeptics claim the speech wasn’t broadcast live because the time on his watch doesn’t seem to match the time of the speech. But at this point, who really knows?
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White House aides are just happy Joe Biden survived the battery in his watch. They had several of Joe’s family members on camera throughout the speech, including his kids, Hunter and Ashley, and his wife, Jill. Keeping them away from the cameras was the only way Hunter could keep his clothes on.
Meanwhile, Biden’s seventh grandson, Navy, was also about 750 miles away from the cameras. If you were looking for any answers from Joe Biden’s speech last night, you’re not. He never answers questions. He only creates more questions. Here’s one of them: Why did his team give him the same spray tan as Trump? He looks like he’s wearing a “Biden” mask. He looks like a jack-o’-lantern in the hot sun with a burnt-out candle. The local embalmer was on vacation and told Jill, “You should get him a coat in case something happens to him while he’s in Aruba.”
As for the main points of the speech, it’s hard to find them. He’s doing so well that he asked to leave at the end to end on a good note. Hey, my life is so good, I might as well kill myself. Joe talked about George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, but he seems more like William Henry Harrison, Zachary Taylor, and Warren Hardy. He talked about honesty, decency, respect, things he can’t pronounce and rarely practices. He could have talked about skydiving, pole vaulting, and powerlifting. That would have been more believable. As always, he promised to tell the truth. He wanted to cross his fingers, but he couldn’t. This is a big lie.
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President Biden: We also have security on our border, and we’re seeing fewer people crossing the border than when the last administration left office.
No. At this point, viewers will be wishing they had their ears shot. What he didn’t do was answer one of the questions on everyone’s mind: Why did he wear pants behind his desk? Why did he stay in the presidency if he dropped out of the race on Twitter? He didn’t say anything. I mean, that’s like giving a speech about the sexiest TV host without saying my name. He did say something about passing the baton to a new generation, but we all know that was a JFK line. Well, if he came in plagiarizing, he might as well go out the same way.
So he’s passing the baton, but it’s more like passing the wind. Joe is staying on because the presidency is in the kingdom, but it’s to protect democracy. He’s said the word “democracy” seven times, and each time it means less. He’s done with the word “democracy” what Tupac did with the N-word, but it’s just his way of saying that Trump is a threat to democracy without getting accused of another weirdo shooting him.
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Did you see what was going on in Washington DC yesterday? This party that keeps promising to protect democracy certainly loves to attack and destroy people. And they don’t even have fair primaries. The party that wants to protect democracy forces illegal immigrants to vote, which reduces your vote. They eliminate safe spaces for women, ban gas stoves, one day ban cars, and suppress articles that even hint at opposition on social media.
Meanwhile, they are expanding the rights of criminals, which limits their freedom to live. Biden has pretty much admitted that he is too old to run, but not too old to be president. He has to step down because they can’t come up with a good excuse for him to drop out of the race without doing that, but also, he has too much work to do. Maybe because he didn’t do anything while in office. He even promised to cure cancer by January.
President Biden: I will continue to fight for the big plan to end cancer as we know it, because we can.
No, he’s not. All he’s going to do for the next six months is scrape his dinner plates into his sock drawer and try to turn on the TV by pointing his shoes at it. No, he’s going to accidentally vote for Trump, so he messes up his scripted speech and forgets what the sentence even says. Like this mulch.
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President Biden: And as I stood there that day, in that winter, I said to you all: we are standing in a winter of danger and a winter of possibility. Peril and possibility.
He’s like a weatherman in the face, and we should be happy for him to continue to serve as president. He can’t serve as a coat rack, but he’s still a media favorite.
NBC: It was a speech that went down in history, just like when President Johnson announced in 1968 that he would not run for reelection. And we’ve seen that clip played over and over again. This is the type of speech that will be played over and over again for decades to come.
Yes, it’s been shown repeatedly in medical schools for decades to teach students what dementia is like, but keep going.
CNN: Yes. The question is, does character still matter? Tonight matters. Tonight matters. Well done, stuttering boy. Well done. Good man. He fell on his sword. He fell on his sword.
CNN: At that moment, he joined the ranks of America’s greats, the global equivalent of George Washington.
MSNBC: I think this was a significant level of selflessness in the sense that we talk about George Washington being selfless.
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No, no, no. The only thing he has in common with George Washington is his body temperature. If the media had been a little more knee-jerk, he’d have been a Pornhub star. I wonder what Dr. Jill thinks about this? The one who hid him from the public and the sun. She tweeted, “Thank you for believing in Joe. Now it’s time to believe in Kamala.” And then she fled to France to watch the Olympics. Well, she’s a deadlift fan. So the woman who lied to us about Joe’s health wants us to believe another woman who lied to us about Joe’s health. Sorry, I’ve been fooled enough by women. Not to mention the ones who said they were women. But you know what the family did after that? We all ate ice cream. That’s what you do after you get your tonsils out, right? The problem is that these tonsils are still there, just a mass of tissue that is prone to infection, something that you could easily do without.
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