Elections are temporary. Family is forever. Here’s how to keep politics from driving you apart

Our nation’s division is dividing families. Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s family, even his wife, are appalled by his support for former President Trump, and Tim Waltz’s brother, Jeff Waltz, claims he hasn’t spoken to his brother in eight years because of his progressive views.

Emotional loss with family and friends can take a toll on our mental health, and discord between colleagues can have a negative impact on the workplace.

This is nothing new. In the Civil War, it was not uncommon for brother to fight against brother. The Founding Fathers often disagreed, violently. But they created institutional checks and balances to compensate for what they couldn’t personally fix: our inability to listen to dissenting views without getting defensive.

As I have a PhD in political science and have also run workshops on couples’ communication for the past 30 years, I was intrigued by the search for solutions.

Tim Walz’s brother is ‘100% against’ Democratic VP nominee’s politics: ‘I don’t agree with it’

Historically, when we hear criticism, we fear a potential enemy, so building defenses has been functional for survival, but for love, it is dysfunctional.

Turning a civil war into a respectful dialogue with a loved one or friend requires mastering behaviors that change our natural biological defense tendencies. Few of us can practice these behaviors repeatedly for more than an hour, but that’s enough time to make our friends and family feel heard.

Former President Trump shook hands with former independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. at a rally in Glendale, Arizona on August 23, 2024. (Reuters/Tsuyoshi Nakamura)

After getting feedback from workshop participants about what worked and what didn’t work in their real lives, I developed a “compassion-sharing practice.” Because it’s easy to hear criticism after being evaluated, it starts with the first person to express their perspective (or “criticism”) sharing two evaluations of the other person at five levels of specificity.

The Kennedy family denounced RFK Jr.’s decision to support Trump as a ‘betrayal of our values’

For example, Tim Waltz’s brother or RFK Jr.’s sister might not only remember their brother as being inquisitive, but also recount specific childhood stories, emphasizing their admiration for their brother for always asking follow-up questions and having the courage to speak up about his beliefs without fear of rejection.

The next step begins with the understanding that “every virtue becomes a vice when taken to an extreme.” Before expressing their disgust for their brother’s thinking, Waltz and RFK Jr. look for the inherent virtues that motivate their brother.

Jeff, a critic of “progressive feminism,” might look for sisters and daughters whose lives have been made more fulfilling by the opportunities that feminism has created, while Tim Waltz, a “progressive feminist,” might look for virtues in Jeff’s emphasis on the importance of fathers and faith to both children and mothers.

Before we get to the core practices, I ask my political opponents what they have in common. The answer? They all care. None of them are disinterested. And caring enough to actively engage is essential to the preservation of democracy.

Tim Walz’s family poses in T-shirts announcing his support for the presidential election: “Waltz supports Trump”

This is where the key “compassion-sharing practice” comes in. Because it’s biologically natural to become defensive when we receive criticism, we first ask the person receiving the feedback to change their natural state. They meditate using six specific mindsets.

For example, one way of thinking I call “love assurance”: Waltz and RFK Jr. might say, “The more I provide a safe environment for my brother’s perspective, the more he will feel loved by me, and therefore the more he will love me.”

The listener signals when they feel completely receptive and safe. If the listener “loses their mind,” say “wait,” and resume the conversation only after they’ve found a mindset or two to help them recover.

‘The West Wing’ star mocks actress Cheryl Hines for remaining ‘silent’ after husband Kennedy Jr. supports Trump

When Waltz and RFK Jr. finish listening to their brother, they tell him what they heard and he asks if they misrepresented anything. The brothers continue the discussion until Waltz and RFK Jr. feel that nothing has been misrepresented.

Vice President Kamala Harris and Governor Tim Walz (Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

Then he asks if they’ve missed anything, and finally, if there’s anything they’d like to add. Once Waltz and RFK Jr. feel they’ve been fully heard, he reverses the process with their siblings.

Once the process is complete, each sibling shares two more thank yous at five levels of detail.

Click here to read more FOX News Opinion

None of this requires changing anyone’s mind, just making sure that the person you care about feels understood and seen in the same way they understand and see themselves.

The election is now. Family is forever.

Click here to get the FOX News app