His wife quit her job when they got married 15 years ago and is not working. She also has no children and no plans.
Even after we got married, he kept giving me money, saying, “I’ll keep this only between us.” I asked him once if his wife would get mad at him. If I want to help her sister, it’s my decision. ’ That comment seems a bit like his 1950s.
Despite his demands, I am seriously considering telling his wife to put it all on board, but I think my brother will be upset.
Cash conundrum: Oh no, don’t do that. Don’t thank him for kneeling in support of his marriage.
Your brother is someone who talks to someone. not his wife.
For one thing, going after him to help her is a weird way of fixing the ethic of him going after her to help you. If so, I’ll explain it in a second.) And while your goal of “upping” things is admirable, the idea that tipping her will achieve this goal seems simplistic. , sounds like a way of sowing conflict rather than cooperative enlightenment.
Indeed, most of that conflict will stem from your brother’s choice to act unilaterally in the marriage, making you a reluctant accomplice.
But choosing not to fight him is simple, and in fact the only easy thing to do in the entire scenario. not.
If you do decide to discuss this with your sibling as well, think through the complexities first, such as where the line is between “his” money and “their” money. Or say she has about the practice he started years before he married her. , it’s up to you to subtly understand the moral.
Also, if you feel that a money arrangement is fraudulent, are you in a position to amend their arrangement?
Also, you don’t like his “1950s-ish” demeanor, but does his wife? What if she’s fine with their roles and his spending? Arguing about you sometimes? (Not personal, just spitting here.) Do you even know what she doesn’t know about money? Maybe she does, but it’s a sore topic between them.
Marriage is a black box for those who aren’t there. Remember this every time you try to interfere with someone from the outside.
Broadly speaking, it’s his decision whether or not he tells his wife. Whatever you do, keep your boundaries clear.
