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So this week, National Security Leaders for America, a bipartisan group of former military and intelligence officers, released a letter endorsing the candidate they believe would be a better president. It will be as reassuring as Brian Stelter’s bra strap snapping. It reads, in part, “We are Republicans, Democrats, and Independents, loyal to our national ideals of freedom, democracy, and the rule of law, not to any one person or party.” Yes, they want you to believe that Kamala best represents those ideals.
Yes, Harris. She shows as much respect for the rule of law as P. Diddy, but she’s probably a better rapper. The funniest part? Of the names mentioned in the letter, nine big names, including Clapper, John Brennan and Panetta, also signed another letter. You might remember. Remember our favorite pirate, Captain Rehab? Remember when he left his laptop full of incriminating evidence at a repair shop and threw it out like an illegitimate child? And remember when messages linking his father to cash deals with China and Ukraine were sandwiched between homemade porn like a hunter-and-whore sandwich? And then when it threatened to ruin his father’s presidential campaign, they all denied it even existed.
Now, you also remember what saved Joe’s candidacy. It was an open letter from 51 former intelligence hackers alleging that Hunter’s laptop “had all the classic evidence of Russian intelligence activity.” Of course, this is a lie and a misuse of the word earmark. What they actually meant was hallmark, not earmark. Earmark means that the government dictates how your tax money is spent, like Dana Perino at the tattoo parlor. You know, on essential things like foreign wars, domestic espionage, and drag queen story hours.
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Of course, once Joe was safely sworn in as president, the hoax blew up like a Hezbollah pager. But it was too late. The lie worked. The laptop was real. And they knew it was real. They lied because they were desperate to put the Democrats back in power after Trump’s terrible years of peace and prosperity.
But that’s what spies do. They lie. Just ask Dianne Feinstein’s chauffeur, Swalwell’s mistress, or Hawkeye’s former deputy chief of staff. There are barely any Chinese in the kitchens of Panda Express. Joe then used that fraudulent letter as an excuse to hide his fake, wilted penis. Putin certainly did a lot, but that’s 100% a Democrat thing. So, yes, the liars who signed that letter also signed Kamala’s endorsement. If anyone would read it to her, she would be so happy to see it. So they’re doing the same thing they did four years ago, for the same reasons. It’s bad enough that Harris is rehashing Biden’s ideas.
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Now she’s rehashing his dirty tricks to get elected. She’s dishonest and not even original. So who do these endorsements sway? Think about who’s telling you to vote Democrat. The CIA, the IRS, Dick Cheney, Taylor Swift. All deceptive evil forces. Especially Swift. Think about what she’s done to her boyfriend. He’s scoring lower than Brian Kilmeade in a lesbian coffee shop this season. Taylor pretended to be a country singer to be America’s sweetheart, then attacked us as a sexier, skinnier woman, Liz Cheney.
But who in America was on the fence about this election until a group of spies laughingly endorsed the McKnee Pad? The last time we saw such a desperate act was Pelosi’s facelift. One more and her belly button would reach her forehead. But like a hunter nearing the end of a cocaine addiction, they’re grasping at straws. You will, too. While Democrats are sweating like Chris Christie in a Zumba class, Trump is meeting voters and dodging bullets. He joked about appearing on this show last week, with 5 million viewers stunned Kamala’s massage session like Oprah sitting on a bag of Doritos. I may have said it on the show, but I don’t like this guy.
Donald Trump: But Gutfeld said on the show, “I don’t like the guy, but he fixes everything he works on. He gets it done. Our country was doing great. Our economy was great. And He asked for an interviewSo I was like, hey, I’ll do it, but I did it reluctantly. 10 minutes. I don’t really want to do it because he doesn’t like me. Maybe I hate people who don’t like me. I’ll be honest with you. When they don’t like me, I hate them too, OK? Childish. That’s the thing. Call it a character flaw.
I don’t like anyone who doesn’t like me. That’s honesty. And it seems more and more people like Trump. According to the latest New York Times poll, Trump is leading in the battleground states of Arizona, Georgia and North Carolina. If he wins those states in November, he only needs to win either Michigan, Pennsylvania or Wisconsin. And that’s it.
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Oh, if only Joe’s brain hadn’t shrunk like a raisin in the sun. Now he had left the party with the only fool who seemed more qualified than he was. Maybe that was the point.