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Anyone who claims to be a marriage expert has probably not been involved in marriage for a long time. Or you might write a book that never includes a few chapters on spouses and children, just to fact-check whether the author’s words actually match the deeds when there are dirty dishes in the sink. Hmm. But it’s hard not to see the ongoing cage match between former royals Harry and Meghan Markle vs. The Clown, and after 30 years of marriage, I doubt if I need to step in. I think
Today’s monarchical mayhem was sparked by the announcement that Duchess Meghan would not bless the British royal family by attending her father-in-law’s coronation. But not because a man in a long stoat cloak carrying a shiny stick that presides over a ribbon cutout looks fake.
Gossip notes: He said the importance of their family was consistent with their actions.
Meghan Markle’s absence from coronation is ‘self-preservation’ as Prince Harry makes ‘Solomon-like’ choices: expert
Which words are they exactly? Things about joining together to create a family, for better or worse, are often made at some kind of altar.
Meghan Markle needs to learn how to get along with her in-laws ahead of Charles III’s coronation. (Alastair Grant)
As anyone who has been in a long-term marriage knows, there is nothing more authentic than showing up with a smile as often as possible in the life moments of the people whose DNA makes up your child.
Still, such fanfare rarely accompanies the global announcement of a family reunion. Few people know when they are celebrating But now that Harry and Meghan have shared their RSVP with the world, they must want us to talk about it.
This leads me to the small amount of marriage advice I have to offer to present so many caveats and* the plague of polka dots. I’m sorry, but please be humble.
But Meghan and Harry could also consider a few other ideas, including:
1. Not managing family relationships with brand managers. Reporters measure their worth in clicks and news hits. As the Bible says, love covers a multitude of sins, and publicists spill the beans for their liking.
2. Before declaring that your spouse’s family is bad, wait a minute. You don’t like people from day one and you definitely don’t understand them after a few meetings. They have their own emotions and life experiences, just like you, so they speak and react in ways that take time to interpret. Jumping to the worst conclusions before you’ve survived some major life events cuts you off from relationships you might need later.
3. Consider talking to the person you are angry with rather than talking about it. Making millions of dollars in the civil war while writing books and making documentaries about how much they suffered is what we call the “credibility gap” in media relations. Making money out of every fight you’re in can make you think it’s the gain, not the pain, that drives you.
I hate being the bearer of bad news, but in my family it hurts my feelings. I once attended a family wedding. Perhaps this is why most weddings have an open bar.
As anyone who has been in a long-term marriage knows, there is nothing more authentic than showing up with a smile as often as possible in the life moments of the people whose DNA makes up your child.
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Still, the reason for calling this family feud off in my head has nothing to do with this generational harvest of injuries, and perhaps it’s all King Charles’ fault (this is a blame game, so why is he Isn’t it?)
After his marriage to Princess Diana ended, competing interviews flew across the media of my youth. Is it any wonder that the same strategy for conflict resolution has been passed down to his children? But now, in some homes, little royal children watch and learn.
Will they do to their siblings and parents what they see being done to families today?
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Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina, “All happy families are alike, but unhappy families have their own misfortunes.” Everyone has a pain story, not just the elite. Everyone has relatives who personally have great stories to tell.
Celebrate your father-in-law with Meghan, the head of the British royal family and a kindly goofy hat only seen at the Kentucky Derby. These moments are irreplaceable. And you look good in a hat.
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