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Now that the Democratic and Republican National Conventions are over and students are returning to campus, it is important to teach students ways to foster unity among themselves.
Without it, discord, unrest and conflict will continue on college campuses and across the country. It’s easy to point fingers and blame others for not being peaceful or communicating kindly, but the truth starts with ourselves. If we’re not willing to speak kindly to those who hold opposing views, how can we expect others to do the same?
As president of Southeastern University, I believe it is important to teach students the importance of civil debate, and in 2019 we co-founded the Center for American Public Leadership with former Florida Congressman Dennis Ross.
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In her book “Reaching Across the Aisle: Reflections on My Experiences in Politics,” Ross describes civil dialogue as “the process of working through differences to build cooperation with one another, whether or not we change our minds, which leads to a more united nation.”
The fierce election race between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump raises the question of how to teach unity. (Getty Images)
We need to model how to speak civilly with those with whom we disagree and teach our students to do the same. But how do we do this?
Here are three ways you can practice respectful conversation and set an example for your students.
1. Learn how to have a conversation
If we want to move towards solidarity with others, we need to be willing to participate in conversations. We all want to be heard, especially when we believe strongly in something. But it’s so easy to ignore the needs of others and only listen to find objections and flaws. But if we want to move towards solidarity, we need to start really listening.
Don’t wait to give your opinion, just listen to what the other person has to say. Don’t argue. When the other person has finished speaking, offer your own opinion in a kind and respectful manner without arguing with theirs.
The emphasis shouldn’t be on being right, changing someone’s mind, or proving a point. If we truly want to be united, we need to make an effort to understand and respect each other. This allows us to listen to what the other person has to say while also sharing our own perspective. It’s okay to agree even when we disagree. But by engaging in a respectful conversation, we show that we value the other person’s opinion and are open to future conversations.
2. Respect others
The Golden Rule is something we’re all taught in school, but how often do we put it into practice when we’re talking to someone with whom we disagree? We all want to be respected and have our opinions heard, but if we don’t show kindness and consideration to others, we can’t expect them to do the same to us.
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We need to practice honestly evaluating others and their opinions, and respecting their thoughts and opinions, even when we disagree. If we have an “I’m better than me” mentality, we shouldn’t be surprised when others think they’re better than us or refuse to listen because they feel unheard.
People adapt to your tone, volume, and emotions. If you escalate a conversation, they will too. If you stay calm and polite, others are more likely to stay calm and polite. Even if they don’t, staying polite allows you to leave the conversation without regretting what you did or said.
Don’t wait to give your opinion, just listen to what the other person has to say. Don’t argue. When the other person has finished speaking, offer your own opinion in a kind and respectful manner without arguing with theirs.
3. Focus on relationship building
Once you learn how to have respectful and honest conversations with people you disagree with, you can begin to build real relationships with them, which requires you to look beyond the topic at hand and see the other person as a person, not just an opinion.
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Take the time to get to know the other person from their perspective. Ask non-political questions to get to know them as a person. What is their job? Do they have children? What are their favorite hobbies? This will help you see them not just as an opponent or someone to lose an argument with, but as a person with the same interests, passions and feelings as you.
We have a responsibility, just like everyone else, to speak civilly and respectfully and to take intentional action to show solidarity. You can continue to be angry when others are not being respectful, or you can take responsibility for our own words and actions and begin to make change ourselves. The choice is yours.
Click here to learn more Dr. Kent Ingle
